24 x 7 Marriage by Dr. Vijay Nagaswami

Author:Dr. Vijay Nagaswami
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Tags: Self-help
Publisher: Westland Publishing
Published: 2012-05-21T18:30:00+00:00

Remember to share your feelings and emotions with the one you love. Since intimacy is a feeling of emotional closeness, the more you learn to express your emotions, the more intimacy will you experience in your relationship. This is what Aruna realised when she married Raghav. Not given to expressing her emotions to anybody even though she was an emotionally intense person, she soon realised that every time she did show her love, Raghav would reciprocate with almost twice the warmth.

Each of us, by virtue of childhood conditioning, has a different way of expressing or receiving positive emotions. It took a long time for Aruna to discover why Raghav was always complaining about her lack of interest in cooking. She’d told him right in the beginning that she was an indifferent cook and while she would supervise the housekeeping, she would hire the services of a professional in the kitchen. He seemed to go along with this when she’d first proposed it. But now, when both of them were exhausted at the end of the day, he would keep complaining about the quality of the food. Unfortunately, they had been extremely unlucky with the string of cooks they’d employed in the last few months. The only time Raghav seemed really happy with his food was on Sunday, when they went for lunch to his mother’s house. It was only after much fighting and talking did Aruna finally realise that, all his pre-marital life, Raghav was used to love being shown to him through the vehicle of food, which was the only way his mother, like most Indian mothers, knew how to express her love (thereby, perhaps, explaining the Indian male’s propensity to being overweight even at a young age). So, when Aruna was not cooking for him, some sub-conscious part of him interpreted this as her lack of love for him.

If you don’t already know it, now is a good time to learn how to physically demonstrate your love and affection to your partner. In adult life, we need to develop different ways of receiving and expressing love. Perhaps the most effective method of expressing love is in non-sexual physical expressions such as holding, hugging, kissing, cuddling, and so on. Usually, when I ask couples whether they do any of these, the more urban ones tend to treat them as the most normal things to do, but a fairly large number of conservatives sanctimoniously inform me that only Westerners do such things, and that they see this as against Indian culture. Frankly, this is an argument I simply refuse to accept. How on earth can it be anti-Indian for a man and a woman who love each other, or are even growing to love each other, to show each other that they do, in the privacy of their homes or rooms? Intimacy needs to activate all one’s sensory organs: sight, hearing, speech, smell and touch. Non-sexual physical demonstrations of affection are absolutely essential to couple-bonding and if you choose not

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